DAILY HUMOR: Direct from the Mobtreal Newsroom!

Direct from the Mobtreal newsroom, here’s what’s almost making news this evening:

• Apple announced today that they plan to launch a new iTunes radio service. It’s exactly like normal radio, but since it’s from Apple, consumers will justify paying $150 dollars more for it.
• In an effort to become sustainably profitable, Air Canada is once again cutting costs by 15 percent. Corporate officials say that, instead of an extensive security pat down, passengers will just be asked to fondle themselves before boarding.
• A topless portrait of former “Golden Girls” actress Bea Arthur recently sold at a New York City auction for $1.9 million. Upon hearing the news, Betty White has upped her asking price for a solo dance during her shift in the strip club. 
• An Oklahoma man is taking legal action after his plastic surgeon left him without a nose. In his defense, the surgeon said he’s been performing the same procedure for years, and that Michael Jackson never complained about his work.
• The Rolling Stones closed Grand Prix weekend in style last night with a much-anticipated concert at the Bell Centre. A tense moment occurred when a heckler tried to charge the stage, but Mick Jagger just changed the lyrics to one of their songs and got some wild horses to drag him away.

Please check back with us every Monday and Thursday for more Mobtreal newsroom updates! In the meantime, don’t forget to follow @afishcalledmatt on Twitter, along with the rest of the Mobtreal crew.