Questions for an angry black woman
After dinner last night, (which I will get back to you in my next post), an idea was proposed to me. “Why don’t you have a page so that people can ask a black woman questions?” Genius! Because there are questions I want to ask black women too! That’s right. Me too!! So I found the perfect candidate besides myself… My mama!
Yes, she has come a long way from England and the seventies Anne Byrne has. Her children and Canada have broken down much of her hate towards whitey. But not all of it. Now and then she’ll come out with an “If he was a black man doing this….” or ” See if she was black….”. Now I ain’t saying my mama is some kind of racist towards the white man (who isn’t though).
She’s a very caring, loving mother and hard-working nurse for over 25 years. I love my mum. That’s where I get my crude humour from, and she too can be funny with her justification for certain things that just don’t apply anymore. So go on and ask what you’ve always wanted to ask a black woman but thought you would get beat up or slapped in the face (and you probably would have) if you had asked these questions. Or just a question in which you would like a funny answer. Here’s your chance! We have answers to a few basic questions. Enjoy!
Question 1: Why do black women spend so much money on their hair?
Jo: If it took YOU 30 minutes-1 hour of every morning to do your hair, you would too, OK! Pressing your hair with an iron or tying it up and down with bandanas…. it’s hell. So yes, wearing a wig or a fake ponytail really takes the stress out of your day. I don’t have the patience, and I’m too lazy to do the upkeep, so I did the perm for a long time. Now I get rough and tough with my Afro puffs!!
Mama: I don’t know, I’m not a black woman that wears fake hair. I suppose it’s ‘because they want to look white. They don’t like white people but want to look like one. *sucks her teeth*
(Like Dave Chappelle said but in reverse, “Everybody want to be white but nobody wanna be white”)
Keep in mind that these are North American women. Women in the Caribbean would just chop off their hair.
Question 2: How do you move your butts in such a manner?
Jo: A. You need a real black ass.
Blacker than mine.
B. Calypso or Soca music
C. A wall really helps
Mama: They think they’re having sex when they’re dancing!
Question 3: Do you still hate whitey?
Jo: Personally I love whitey, but I hate The Man
Mama: No!! *sucks teeth* That’s ancient history
Question 4: What’s a pussyclot/bumbaclot?
Jo: I believe it is when a girl is on her rag and a “bubble” or a “clot” of blood gets caught up in hair or other and…. boom! You got a pussyclot!
Mama: Back in the day, women would have diapers or napkins for pads. So if not changed very, very regularly….you get this. A bumbaclat is just an asshole.
Question 5: Why are black cashiers so slow?
Jo: Not to be racist, but yes I’ve been served by many of my kind only to get really shitty, lazy service. Like myself, there are exceptions, but….. They scan with attitude, pausing for no reason, doing everything except serving the customer. They got no quota of customers and as not to break their acrylic nails they operate like sloths.
Mama: ‘Cuz they think they’re above the job, better than it, even though they can’t get a better job. Like crab mentality (this basically means hating on those who are doing better than yourself)
Thank you! This has concluded our session of “Ask an angry black woman”. Don’t be afraid to ask my mama more! I have a great time asking her silly questions. And yes, those are my mama’s answers. Next time I will get a sound bite because it’s even funnier with her accent. She has a great sense of humour so ask her anything! Bring on the awkward, the racist, the vile, the good, and the weird…!!!
Have a great evening peeps and laugh on!
Montreal’s hot spot for Comedy!
Montreal’s hot spot for Comedy!